If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I'm way too hungover for life right now
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
