Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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