You really coming over, don't trick.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
he fucked my hip out of place.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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