omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
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