and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
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