I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
