I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
