peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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