So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Randomize