My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Randomize
