Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
