I'm gonna have a badass scar
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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