Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
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