Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
