i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize