in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
