hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
im six kinds of drunk right now
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
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Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
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He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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