It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
