im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
