You don't have asthma, your pregnant
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
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