youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
