thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
