I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
