can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
