2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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