and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
