I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
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