Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
