I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
