If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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