soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
