it hurts more in the daytime
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
