I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
