ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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