My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
