i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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