I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
