I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Randomize
