Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
