just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Banned from zoo.
Again?
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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