how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
