Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
