Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
