I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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