FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
