I need help removing her.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
