either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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