I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
