so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
