Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
