He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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