You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
