final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
