I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
