today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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