you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
