shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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