based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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