Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
