I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Randomize
