They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
