I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
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Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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