last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
