it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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