I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
