once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
