dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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