I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
