You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Mom said you looked used
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Randomize
