the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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