I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
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We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
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Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
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